Chosen Solution

As said, I did my normal start up, and there was an immediate loud clicking noise, along with a whirring sound I guess? It was loud and scary enough that I shut her back down (properly) and have kept it off since. I contacted apple, went to two geek squad locations, and two computer places that I guess are apple-certified? The guy with apple recommended them because of my laptop’s age. I have legitimately never had a problem with this computer until this. Every person I talked to said it was probably the hard drive and nothing they can do. Could it be anything besides the hard drive? What else can I try? Having had zero problems with it in the last almost decade of having it, makes me skeptical that there’s “nothing that can be done”.

Well it’s definitely the hard drive if they took it out and tested the drive for clicking noises. You can check whether the noise is coming from the hard drive or something else. Disconnect the fan as shown in this guide to step 5: MacBook Pro 13" Unibody Early 2011 Fan Replacement Once you hear loud clicking see if it also happens after disconnecting the hard drive as well, you can use this guide to remove the hard drive: MacBook Pro 13" Unibody Early 2011 Hard Drive Replacement

I suggest not to waste time and run around. Just replace the drive and transfer the data before it is dead. The only thing that can make the clicking noise are the DVD ROM and the HDD.